I am very emotional. Tonight is the night that I begin to drop one pumping session from my daily log of nursing.
I know I have said this before, but I meant it. I was never going to nurse. now, here I am, 9 months into my child's first year and I am sad and terrified of starting to ween my nursing.
I have to remember that I have given it a wonderful go. For 9 months I have supplied my daughter with the best of the best. I have provided her a gift that only I can provide her, and I have done it lovingly with little regard to the toll it has taken on my body and my time.
At this time, I am just not making enough milk to sustain my daughter on a daily basis. She is requiring more milk than my body can provide and she has not gained weight in months. Don't get me wrong, she isn't starving. Girlfriend can eat!
I am not getting sleep. Ireland sleeps a full 10-12 and yet I am still only averaging abut 4-5 hours of sleep a night due to my pumping regimen. As I type this, I am not as emotional as I am when I talk about it. I am so sad for the official end of nursing. We are still weeks, hopefully months away from the official end, but I am so so sad.
If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for us. Ireland doesn't like formula and I do not like giving it to her. However, she needs some of it integrated into her diet. I have to start to let go and do what is best for both us, but it doesn't make it easy.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The Perfect Easter
Goodness, where does the time go? I think to myself all the time that I need to blog more, but I feel like all I do is blog less! Days and weeks go by and I let time lapse without a written memory of what we are experiencing, as I try very hard to savior each and every moment.
The month of March was fabulous. We had a ton of visitors - family and friends - people who came to see us, but mainly Ireland. :)
However, today I want to write about Easter. Easter is a special holiday. If you forget the Easter Bunny, peanut butter eggs and baskets full of fake grass, you will simply think about the reason for the season. Jesus was executed for us, for our sins, because he loved us so much. That's really pretty powerful. I feel as those this was the most busy and irrelevant Lenten experience I have had in years, yet it was one of the most powerful Easter's I've had in a long time. It just felt different.
So, why was this Easter so perfect? It just was. It's pretty simple. MP and I woke up at the sound of Ireland stirring bright and early. We brought Ireland out to see her Easter baskets filled with goodies. She received enough puffs to feed a small army of babies. Books, a few toys and stuffed animals. Far too many things then one baby should get and I am very grateful she has so many people that love her enough to treat her to such luxuries.
After she saw what the EB dropped her way, we went out to exercise. MP went on a run and Ireland and I went on a stroll. We were back in to get showered and ready for 10:30 mass. Mass was beautiful and so was the music. Ireland was extremely well behaved and even fell asleep on me right before communion. As I carried her on my chest up to communion I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. Here I am with this baby, this innocent, loving, special baby that I would do anything for. I would die for her. I would give my life so she could live a long, healthy life. Finally, it clicked for me. This is what made this Easter special for me. It doesn't matter that I didn't attend every Sunday mass this Lent. Or that I messed up and ate some french fries. I now understand Lent and sacrifice on a whole different level. For once, in the smallest of ways, I have an inkling of an idea of what Jesus felt for his people. It's a very overwhelming feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anything like Jesus. I'm not half as good as HE. But, I can kinda get it a bit.
After mass we met MVP and our friends for lunch. Ireland was dressed to the nines in her sailor gear looking cute as cute can be. The conversation was joyful and the mimosa was tasty.
After a long lunch we retreated to the ever awful Wal-mart for a few items and then made our way home to feed Ireland. Then, we got dressed for the pool and made our way to play with Ireland. As we sat in the sun, one of my favorite places, it felt as though time stopped for a bit. We weren't doing anything overly special, but we were together, just the three of us, in our own little bubble. Life was good. Life IS good. After almost two hours at the pool, we made our way home to feed the baby and put her to bed.
Ireland got in her jammies and watched baseball highlights with her dad while I made us an easy dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Ireland went to bed nice and easy that night and MP and I just hung out.
It really was the perfect day.
The month of March was fabulous. We had a ton of visitors - family and friends - people who came to see us, but mainly Ireland. :)
However, today I want to write about Easter. Easter is a special holiday. If you forget the Easter Bunny, peanut butter eggs and baskets full of fake grass, you will simply think about the reason for the season. Jesus was executed for us, for our sins, because he loved us so much. That's really pretty powerful. I feel as those this was the most busy and irrelevant Lenten experience I have had in years, yet it was one of the most powerful Easter's I've had in a long time. It just felt different.
So, why was this Easter so perfect? It just was. It's pretty simple. MP and I woke up at the sound of Ireland stirring bright and early. We brought Ireland out to see her Easter baskets filled with goodies. She received enough puffs to feed a small army of babies. Books, a few toys and stuffed animals. Far too many things then one baby should get and I am very grateful she has so many people that love her enough to treat her to such luxuries.
After she saw what the EB dropped her way, we went out to exercise. MP went on a run and Ireland and I went on a stroll. We were back in to get showered and ready for 10:30 mass. Mass was beautiful and so was the music. Ireland was extremely well behaved and even fell asleep on me right before communion. As I carried her on my chest up to communion I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. Here I am with this baby, this innocent, loving, special baby that I would do anything for. I would die for her. I would give my life so she could live a long, healthy life. Finally, it clicked for me. This is what made this Easter special for me. It doesn't matter that I didn't attend every Sunday mass this Lent. Or that I messed up and ate some french fries. I now understand Lent and sacrifice on a whole different level. For once, in the smallest of ways, I have an inkling of an idea of what Jesus felt for his people. It's a very overwhelming feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anything like Jesus. I'm not half as good as HE. But, I can kinda get it a bit.
After mass we met MVP and our friends for lunch. Ireland was dressed to the nines in her sailor gear looking cute as cute can be. The conversation was joyful and the mimosa was tasty.
After a long lunch we retreated to the ever awful Wal-mart for a few items and then made our way home to feed Ireland. Then, we got dressed for the pool and made our way to play with Ireland. As we sat in the sun, one of my favorite places, it felt as though time stopped for a bit. We weren't doing anything overly special, but we were together, just the three of us, in our own little bubble. Life was good. Life IS good. After almost two hours at the pool, we made our way home to feed the baby and put her to bed.
Ireland got in her jammies and watched baseball highlights with her dad while I made us an easy dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Ireland went to bed nice and easy that night and MP and I just hung out.
It really was the perfect day.
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