I don't know how she does it

I need to see that movie - b/c I don't know how to do it. I have my plate completely full, and I don't know how to do it. I am failing. Miserably. Painfully. Embarrisingly.

My first week back to work was a nice transition. Ireland was home, I was catching up. It was nice.

Last week Ireland started daycare and it went well. The first day went the best for me, I only cried a little when I dropped her off and didn't pick her up too early. Wednesday she cried when I brought her in and it broke my little hard. I got in my car and did what any big girl would do, I broke down in tears and called my mommy. By Thursday, Ireland took a page from her mom and became a townie! She was an old pro at the daycare routine. Michael brought her back yesterday the teachers were already calling her 'I'. I love it!

We had our first 'date' night and babysitter last week. We met an awesome, highly recommended babysitter through our church. We are lucky to have found her. She watched Ireland while we went out with some of MP's clients. We got a poker lesson and then lost some money at the hardrock. Then, won most of it back at roullette!

By Friday though, I was tired. Ireland had a fussy week (she is NOT a fussy baby). I am a milkmaid and therefore sleep about 5 hours a night. I get up, nurse a few times, take the I to daycare, work, cook, play, then put the I to bed. Then I do school work for hours. I'm stretched too thin, I'm tired and I'm not doing any one thing good. I'm sure I'm not being a good friend, I know I'm not being a good partner and I'm drowning. To boot I am struggling with my weight postpartum.

This Monday I learned that the amount of breastmilk I am producing is not enough to solely feed Ireland, at least not right now. I'm working VERY hard to get my supply up and I got some great advice from the lactation consultant today. So I pray that will help. After a very rough weekend, this was not the news to start my week off with. I am struggling with giving Ireland some formula supplements. In true Colleen fashion, I am making it more difficult.I get it, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own feelings to process here.

Anyway, I think I'll stop there for now on this subject.

I've got a beautiful, happy girl sleeping in her bassinet right now. :) I'm lucky.