T - One Month

Here we are on June 11th. The ‘final’ countdown begins and I as I type this, I have tears in my eyes for so many reasons. Little Miss Ireland is due in one month. One month. That is crazy. She can come in a few days, a few weeks, or after July 11th. No one knows but God.

On one hand, I am ready for her. I am physically ready her for her. Our house is ready for the most part – just a few final details are left. I have to actually finish packing her hospital bag and get mine packed. I need to pack our baby bags and get the car seats secured. MP has to hang a new track in the closet and a picture frame. Then I THINK we are done. We could do all that tomorrow…HA!...I bet we won’t, but we’ll knock out some of that stuff for sure.

I’ve anticipated her arrival since Halloween when I first took the pregnancy test. It’s been a great pregnancy. Yeah, I didn’t love the morning sickness, I loathe the acid reflux and I’ve beat up from the feet up EVERY day since the end of April. But those are all things that don’t really matter. I’ve actually enjoyed being pregnant and I would do it again.

So, why the tears?

Well for starters, because I’m tired. And I’m not ready to be more tired than this. But that’s trivial. I’m more scared of what the future holds. Will I really be a good mom? People tell me I will be, but will I really be? Will she like me? Will MP adore her and be her first and biggest protector until the day he dies? How will our marriage be affected? Will she be as smart and as beautiful I imagine her to be? Will she be safe and happy and free from worry as long as possible? The future really is unknown and it’s scary to bring another human into this world when nothing is guaranteed.

I will also really miss feeling her kick and move inside me. We had a sonogram on Thursday and I was informed exactly of how she’s laying. Since then I know when her butt is moving around and I love it. I will miss knowing she is safe from the world in my belly.

But, I trust that the best is yet to come when it comes to my lil’shamrock and I can’t wait to soak up the joy she brings to MP and me. We are going to love her so much; there is no doubt of that.

As of Thursday, I am not dilated but the doctor said my cervix is beginning to thin. It’s crazy how close it is. MP said to me last night that all of pregnancy has gone fast, but the last few weeks are going slow. I said “OMG, they are FLYING by for me, I need them to slow down.” I think we are both anxious with our own worries and fear of the unknown and its funny how it affects us each differently.
So, with one month left – I will go to rest for the night. For tomorrow is another busy day of chores, errands and finding time to rest.