Here I am. June 6th. So close to Ireland's first birthday in terms of nursing, but not quite there. After almost 11 months of nursing, my body is giving out on me. The milk I produce at one time is quickly diminishing, I do not make enough milk to feed my daughter daily. But, I hang on, one pump at a time.
Why? Because I am addicted to my daughter and I just can't stop. Pumping through out the day gives me the ability to nurse her each morning. For the past month as my body gives out, I pump on! I enjoy each nursing session as if its our last - knowing that soon it WILL be our last. I stare at her beautiful face. I look down in awe that my body has sustained hers for nearly 11 months. I feel pride that I did not give up each time I thought I could find something better to do with my time. I have spent countless HOURS tied to my desk while pumping. I have pumped in cars, bathrooms, and at the beach. I have pumped in the Target cafe under an 'udder cover'. I have pumped in airport bathrooms and carried a big hospital grade pump (huge) and frozen bags of milk through TSA lines and connecting flights. I have nursed in all these places. I have sustained my child.
I never thought I would nurse. Now, I struggle with the reality that soon I will not be able to nurse. It will be a thing memory of my past, my first lesson in 'letting go' I have to face as a mother. My eyes fill with tears but my heart is full. I am proud of me. I am proud of Ireland. I am proud of us. So far, we've been a great team together. I love you, baby girl!
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