Pumping out 2011

As I sit and pump for the eighty-billionth time in 2011, I thought I would share a few thoughts. I can't believe it's been over a month since I blogged. I have been swamped...and lazy since the conclusion of graduate school - and the holiday frenzy didn't help!

I can't believe the end of 2011 is here....already. Hands down the fastest year of my life yet. Hands down one of the best years of my life yet. Everyone always says that their wedding day is the best day of their life. That's not the case for me. My wedding day was a damn great day, filled with so many emotions, laughs, tears, good times, even questionable times (ha) but it wasn't the greatest. The greatest day of my life was July 14, 2011. That was the day that Ireland came into my life. (My second best day is my engagement day if you must know!)

Ireland has certainly brought so much purpose into my life. She is amazing. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is ours. She is MINE! She has brought chaos into my life, but a beautiful chaos that I'll take any day if it means I get her. :) She is our blessing. She makes me want to be a better person, mom, friend, follower of God. I want to be the best I can be for her.

I was pregnant for over half of 2011 - and at times, I miss being pregnant. I LOVED being pregnant. I knew that I liked being pregnant when I was pregnant, but now, I know I loved it. I miss it. I'm not ready to be pregnant again by any means, but it was a fun part of 2011. I loved the anticipation and the kindness around from people, but really - I LOVED having Ireland in my belly, kicking and playing. She would kick, I would poke and she would kick back. In the end, when I was as big as a house and had trouble sleeping, she was with me, and I loved that.

MP and I sat down today and documented our goals for 2012. We have a great list of personal, professional, financial and spiritual goals lined up, both together and alone. We have a vision for our life together, for our family and for ourselves. I know that its likely our life may not go according to our plan - but I always love our determination and ability to make a goal and stick to it, to see it through. It just reminds me that we are an amazing team and even if we veer of course - we always end up where we are supposed to be - together! :)

There are a few goals that I have that are just mine for fun - A few of them for 2012 are:

1. To blog more. I want Ireland to be able to look back and read how much we did with her, for her, because we love her.

2. I want to read one or two classic books I never read - Jane Austen will be my first - recommended to me by Sola.

3. I want to soak in as much as time with Ireland as I can - quit worrying about cleaning the house or picking up the clutter - just do a lot more reading, playing and snuggling with Ireland.

4. I want to get some photobooks together - not Shutterfly ones. Real ones, where the ends will fray some day. :)


Here's to a Happy New Year! See ya NEXT year! :)

XO

My Ode to Graduate School

The end of graduate school that is! It's hard to believe that I am merely 48 hours away from being completely finished with graduate school.

I was never that kid that thought about college when I as little. No, I was too busy thinking about riding bikes, playing in the dirt and socializing with my friends. (Actually, I still think about all those things, hee hee). Even in high school I was more concerned with my social life and sports rather than academia. But once I got really rolling and found my niche in college, graduate school became a goal that I thought about often.

My senior year of college I thought a lot about graduate school. I thought a lot about graduate school in Florida. I also thought a lot about graduate school so that I would not have to enter the 'real' world. The night before I graduated from undergrad, the Dean of Student Services said I could come back to graduate school there (at Cal) and he would help me get a graduate assistant position. Score!! Now that's a FREE party! Yet, I didn't end up in graduate school in Florida (then) and I didn't take advantage of the party extension. Nothing felt right. So, into the working world I went. I'm too embarrassed to admit what my first 'professional' job paid me right out of college. All I can say is Thank God I had parents that let me live at home and didn't charge me rent!

I applied to graduate school a year later. I applied to a school in Virgina where one of my best friends was attending graduate school. I was weight-listed and eventually did not make the cut. I was bummed. I was lost.

A few years later I was growing restless and ready to consider graduate school again. I explored a few options in Pittsburgh, but again, nothing felt right.

I moved to Florida and lived here for 2 years before I got the itch for school again. I found the Adult Education program and sat on it for a bit. I found myself restless again and I realized this was my time finally fulfill my goal of obtaining my master's degree. So I applied...I got accepted...and life has flown by.

In the 2.5 years it took me to earn this degree, my life has changed so much. MP proposed to me shortly before my first semester started. I purchased my first house, solely in my name (proud of that!) and closed on it the week of my first graduate class. MP and I began to completely remodel this house at the same time. We were also planning our wedding. Shortly after school started, we lost MP's mom. And I was working full time. My priorities changed, my goals changed and as a result, a lot of my relationships changed. There would be days I would wake at 5am to write a paper, work from 9-5, work on the house until 9 and then work on school work until midnight. I didn't get to enjoy Football Sundays as much and I was on edge a lot, spread too thin. But I did it. I got through my first semester. I think there is one project or assignment each semester that I dreaded like the plague. For some reason, my second semester I was tasked with creating a podcast. I had zero interest in taking the time to do that project. I remember doing 80% of my class assignments the last weekend of the semester, about three weeks before I got married. I no longer need to spend my free Saturdays and Sundays doing school work. Blech!

I started my third semester late - having gotten married and going on my honeymoon for the two weeks of the shortened semester. That summer was spent reading a lot at the pool. I remember the weekend that session ended, I fell asleep at 8pm on Saturday and didn't wake up until 12 noon on Sunday. I was beat.

Last fall I found out I was pregnant, right in the heart of my busiest semester ever. I would sit in my class trying not to vomit as 'morning' sickness would kill me each night. Months 4-8 of my pregnancy consisted of me going to a night class twice a week, getting bigger and peeing more each week. I barely fit in the desk by the end of the semester.

I started this last semester when Ireland was about 6 weeks old. I started this semester before I returned to work. The beginning of the semester was the sign that maternity leave would soon come to a close. I had a book that I had to read for an assignment that sat on my ottoman for a month, because every time I looked at it, I thought Ireland was much more fun. It was a struggle to get and stay focused this semester. But, I did it. I made it. Well, almost. In 48 hours, after I read 4 more papers and do a mock defense, I can say I did it.

I would not have done it without MP. Not only has he been one of my biggest cheerleaders, but he has TOLERATED me. That alone deserves an award

My mom has listened to me bitch about school, or something that was affected by school. She too has cheered me on and rooted for me. She also owes me $5 for every A. :)

My big icker (big sister) was another cheerleader. It was her who got me to actually do the podcast projects when I was tempted to take a zero for the project. She's also one of the only people who truly understands what its like to have insomnia and I love that she 'gets' it. Even though it is a shitty thing to 'get'.

I am so excited to wear my hooded graduate regalia in a few weeks. I am so excited that I finally accomplished a goal that kept popping into my life. I look forward to the possibilities this education brings into my life.

To PhD or not...that IS the question! I can say that I won't PhD for a while...but I hope that goal will creep up in my life until I accomplish that, too!

But for now - I'm hoping to sleep. I'm hoping to exercise more. I'm hoping to sit on the couch more. I know I will play with Ireland more and read all those books like 'The Help' that I've put off for 2.5 years.

Hello Free Time!

I'm on my second beer...

They say beer helps you produce more breast milk.....at this point, I just like the taste.

I have had a day. Not a bad day. Not an amazing day. Just a normal day that somehow feels different due to a bunch of emotions...


I feel like I could write about a lot of things and I'm experiencing high amounts of ADD today....so bear with me as I share some highs and lows, in no particular order.

Low
I think, as a result of my weekend trip, that I'm losing my milk production, again. I am working hard, again, to increase it. I think using my hand pump all weekend was not as good as using the hospital grade pump I am typically attached to. So, today I have created significantly less milk. The emotional roller coaster this puts me on is insane. On Friday, I had more milk then I can could handle and had to get freezer bags at the beach to store. Today, I am ripping through my frozen stash. Exhausting. Furthermore, I need to up the amount of per bottle mama juice that I give Ireland. So, looks like we are going to be introducing a few ounces of formula a day before long. I am not going to sit here and share the 100 reasons why I do not want to give her formula. But, I don't want to, bottom line. So my heart hurts. My head hurts. My boobs hurt. I am defeated. I feel inadequate and it pisses me off. There is nothing anyone can say. I know I am not a bad mom because I have to give formula. I would be a bad mom if I don't, and I let my child starve. However, it pisses me off. It pisses me off that my body is not cooperating. And right now its hard to accept. I will get over it. Ireland will be fine. But today, dammit, I am emotional about it. I can cry about it at the drop of a hat, as I started to at daycare. I am a hot mess.

High
Daycare - You know, when I write that hefty check each month to let someone else care for my child, it is something else that breaks my heart. I do not know that I want to be a full time stay at home mom, but I also do not want to miss out on the day to day adventures of my amazing daughter. The last few times I've been to daycare to bring or pick up Ireland, I have been pleased. I realized that I really like this daycare. I remember the day that MP and I toured daycare facilities and I kept coming back to this one.I am SO glad that I did. These women that I've gotten to know, they love my child. My child actually brightens their day. Knowing this fills my heart with warmth on a level I have never felt before. These women, who are amazing at what they do, look forward to seeing my child. How cool is that?!?! Miss Val will outright tell you that she loves all her babies, but that Ireland is her girl. She will call her 'boo' and is sad when Ireland leaves. She has three children of her own, two of which attend the same daycare. She gets my pain, whether she realizes she does or not. And her adoration of my child helps me leave that classroom every day. I trust she is in good hands. I also love that they do so much with the kids. Today, I watched as Ireland laid on her tummy watching Miss Tasha read a book to the kids. I laughed as all three teachers were watching Ireland try to crawl, in amazement saying she is so smart. (Yes, my almost 4 month old girl is trying to move, she can scoot and rotate). Then today they told me that some of the other parents call Ireland the showoff - because her tummy/head lifting skills are stronger than some kids older than her. It may be something silly, but it only reaffirms that my work with Ireland already is not wasted. Not because she is doing something before someone else. But because my efforts are not wasted. Every time I put her on her belly and encourage her to roll over - it paid off, I helped my child learn skills. My child is a rolling queen. My efforts of reading to her every day has paid off, because she is watching a teacher read and enjoying it. One small win for the mom today.

Low
Godparents - speaking of Ireland and what's good for her...
I know that at the end of the day love is the most important thing that anyone can give Ireland. It doesn't matter if she has formula or if her rolling skills are above par. What matters is that she is loved unconditionally.
Go with me on this....I'll get to the point....

In the Catholic church, I have two Godparents. In my heart, I have one Godparent - My Godmother, who I call my Fairy God Mother. In my heart and in my book, you don't just get the name of Fairy God Mother because you are a Godmother. You EARN the title... and my Godmother did just that. My Godfather on the other hand failed me. He also failed his deceased brother, my father. Shit happens. I get it. Its a tired old story about abandonment and I refuse to be defeated by it. I love despite it.

I got the news early Monday morning that my Godfather passed away. I knew the day was coming. I am sad that he is gone. I am sad for his wife because I cannot fathom what it is like to lose your only ally left in life. I am sad for my aunt and uncle who lost a brother, again, far too young. I am also very sad that its final. There is no more chance of redemption of his behalf. I gave him chances that he didn't take, but I am pleased I saw him right after I was married and that he got to meet my amazing husband. I loved this man, unconditionally, even when others thought I was wrong to love. I loved him when he gave me no reason to. I have no regrets. I choose not to be angry. I pray that he rests in peace, finally pain free. I hope that my father has greeted him with open arms.

All of this got me thinking about Ireland and the Godparents I chose for her. I pray that she never knows the pain I have felt from being forgotten by a Godparent. Maybe my Fairy Godmother set the bar too high. But, in my book, a Godparent is an ally. It's a best friend, a confidant. It is someone who spoils you, even when you don't deserve it. It someone who goes above and beyond - in anyway that they can when they can. That is what I hope that Ireland gets out of the people I asked to be her Godparents. I think she will. But it just reminded me how there are going to be so many things in Ireland's life that I can't control. That I will be unable to shelter her from. Pain that she will feel that I will feel worse. I just hope that Ireland always has family that remembers that she is a kid that deserves love, always, even when she is 31 and parenting her own kid.

High
I ran a mile today without stopping. Small feat for most, but I hate running. I'm also running with boobs bigger than my face and more weight on my body than I should have. I'm going to keep pushing it.

High/Low
I hate to be vague. TRUST ME, I hate to vague, but I have to be for now. I have a potential change on the horizon. I am praying that it transpires. It's a high because I love a hopeful future. Low because if it doesn't pan out, I will be bummed, even if its what is meant to be.


High
Graduate school is ALMOST over. 2.5 years of working my butt off is about to come to a close. It feels GOOD.

High
My daughter has the best smile, ever, and a laugh that is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. We played tonight. We read books. We giggled and laid on our sides and snuggled each other. She fell asleep in my lap.

High
My husband did the dishes and cleaned out the garage today.


Well look at that. The highs outweigh the lows...guess its always in perspective! :)

Travelling with Ireland

Well, we did it. We made our first trip with Ireland - and all three of us came out alive...well...basically anyhow.

MP has been competing in triathlons, and I intend to do my first one in May. As a result, when MP suggested we take off to Panama City Beach, Florida to watch the Florida Ironman, I said, "lets go!"

We briefly discussed asking a few people to watch Ireland for the weekend, but in the end we didn't think it was the right thing to do. Plus, I think we both needed something to give us our first taste of travelling with a mini us.

I spent last week putting together a list of things I would need to bring. You know, because this is what women do. The men just focus on rushing our asses out the door. So, in an effort to be prepared, I worked off my list. I got up early on Friday and got a bag together for Ireland and I...score! Then I got all the other bags....

We loaded up and got on our way around 3pm on Friday, after swinging by daycare to pick up the love of our lives. Off we went.... Ireland napped right away until about 5pm. We stopped to eat and soon after we got back on the road she slept again until 10pm. I thought this would be a recipe for disaster, setting her up for no sleep that night in the hotel. But, we were lucky.

We got to the hotel and checked in and got her in her PJ's. She was anxious to do tummy time, so we set her on the bed and she just showed us how she can hold her head up! Then she showed us her new trick which is turning around to watch someone and 'scooting'. After a bit, we shut off the lives and off to bed she went.

We got up bright and early on Saturday to watch the beginning of the race. The professionals were due in the water at 6:50am. No thank you. But, we were there to watch them dive into the 68 degree water while it was like 48 outside. Ireland was in the Baby Bjorn, all bundled up, keeping me warm! She napped and I used her blanket as a wind breaker.

We then spent the rest of the day either "watching people exercise" as Renee would say or arguing. Aruging about where to watch, what to do eat, when to go back to the hotel to give the baby a nap, and so forth. It was also spent watching some amazing atheletes. The respect I have for these folks in intense.

Travellign with a four month old baby was a whole new exerience. I do not regret it and I will do it again. But it did remind me that MP and I desperately need a night or two away, withou little Miss Ireland. I think it would serve all three of us very well.

We made it back in time to relax a little - and I finished my comps! Wahoo!

So tired....

Love - and all its imperfections

Everyone keeps talking about this website called Pinterest. I've been meaning to check it out. Quite frankly, I find it best to check out the website when I am on a deadline to finish my SUPER LONG and PAINFUL take home comp questions. I know, I know, it makes perfect sense! :)

I stumbled across this little icon and smiled. I thought to myself, that is SO me and I SOOO found this person. MP, you put up with all my craziness and I love you for it! I also thank you for loving my crazy ass family, too! :)

Pumpkin Patch

Today has a been a very good day - mainly because I spent it with my two favorite people - MP and Ireland.

It's been a hectic few weeks - between our regular charade of work, school, daycare and day to day life - it's been a struggle to get us all together to just hang out and relax without someone (not always the baby) crying! So I scheduled a date for us to go the pumpkin patch. Anyone who knows me realizes that this was just basically my excuse to get to pumpkin patch. One of the things I love is being able to use Ireland as my excuse to bust out my inner (and very prominent) 5 - year old!

To begin, I've been waiting for this day all week. For one - last night I took the first part of my comps - a 4 hour seated exam. I was fried. Also, it finally got 'cool' here in Florida, and I was so happy to enjoy some fall weather. MP had to tend to work first thing this morning - so I took the baby and we hit up Target - early. Like soon after they opened and no one is in your way early. While there I got a call from one of my best mommy friends -Allison - and we shared some mommy things - great start to my day. Then I came home and nursed Ireland. Between busy schedules and school, I don't get to nurse her the way I used to and I look forward to the weekends when I can nurse her more and bottle feed her less. After she nursed, I put her in her swing for a nap and just did some odd stuff around those that somewhat resembled cleaning - although 10 hours later you can't tell that's what I did.

MP got home around 12:30 and we just sat and talked for a moment - and not about the baby. Lord knows she is the best thing that has ever been mine - but I miss my husband. So it was nice to have some time to face each other and chat. :) Then we got lunch and headed up to Sweetfield Farms.

Sweetfield Farms is the bomb diggity. It's located about 45 minutes away in the farmland. A place far enough away that there aren't palm trees, but instead cows and goats! A hidden gem that made you feel like it was really fall. I cannot possibly wait until next year and the year after when we can take Ireland and I can get dirty playing with her. For some reason today, I forgot to pack the stroller and the Baby Bjorn. Yup, I guess I used all my brain power yesterday. So we had to take turns carrying the baby - not that either of us really cared - but I will be glad when she can run around there! Not only are there tons of pumpkins of all sizes - there is kettle corn and apple cider - there are tons of things for the kids to do. I would love to pack a picnic and bring a blanket and plop down in the shade next year and just make a day of it. We could even all nap in the shade. HEY! A mom can dream!

Anyway, we took Ireland on her first hayride and she seemed to enjoy it. :) Ok, well, she didn't cry or scream so I can only infer from the non-verbals people.

Aside from almost losing my marbles on the way home, it was a perfect day. Ireland I think is entertaining her 3 month growths spurt - so her cries was not helping my dehydration headache. But, we worked it out which made this day my kind of perfect.

We got home and I nursed her and we played and laughed and iFaced with Aunt Twacee while Daddy builds us shelves in the garage.

Love.

It Hurts

I'm going to type this, fast. As I finish pumping and get ready to meet my group online for a skype study session.

My heart hurts. I knew this day was coming. Just like all the other painful days to come - first day of kindergarten, first day high school, first day of college....ugh, the first night of Ireland sleeping in a room other than mine is looming the immediate distance. I hate it. I despise it.

We've have Ireland in the bassinet since she came home from the hospital. I love it. I love going into bed knowing that she is in there, and that every time my eyes open, they will find her. I love listening to her breath and toss and turn. I hate the fact that soon, she will be one door down the hall, all alone, in a big crib. Without her mom. She may not need me, but I need her. And I hate that I have to do this step.

I've been telling Michael that he has to get the bed set up for her monitor (its a monitor that checks for breathing) under her mattress and once he did, we could transition her.

Then he started preparing it tonight....and on came the tears.....

I told him no, we can't do it tonight. We have to wait until Friday night. I won't sleep well without her and I need the rest.

Sometimes, in 3 short months, I think being a parent is the most painful thing ever. How do parents let go?

Now I feel rotten for the time I told my mom to 'go ahead and go' when she left me at college. I'm sorry, Mom. I get it now.

TEARS!!!! I will report back....


10.20.2011 - UPDATE
I got into bed around 12:15 last night and watched Ireland sleep for a few minutes, through my tears. She woke up at about 1:45 and was tossing, so I pulled her into bed and nursed her. Next thing I know, I woke up at 5am and she was tucked under my arm and we had fallen asleep nursing. I will ALWAYS cherish these moments. I put her back in the bassinet for about another 2 hours then she came up again to nurse and snooze. She always wakes up with a smile this way. I adore her.

10.21.2011 - Update

Confession - I still haven't got Ireland in her crib yet. Last night I got home late and today I just didn't make time to organize her bed with the new monitor and such. Just happily delaying the inevitable. :/

God really does know what he's doing

A little more than a year go, I was struggling very greatly with the loss of a few people in my life. Change had come upon me, when I least expected it and I found myself trying to process the change. I had some close relationship that were changing and seemlingly weren't able to work themselves out. It was very sad and there were a lot of things that took me a long time to accept.


The first is that life is simply not as you plan. I should know this lesson well, as I've learned this lesson repeatedly over in my life. Yet, it must not have stuck because I still am taught it again and again. You have dreams and fantasies about how certain things will go. And when they don't turn out that way, its hard to swallow.

I learned that trust can be lost at a drop of a hat, over time, quickly, or even as a result of a sharp tounge. Words written in print are the hardest to be forgotten, for they can be called upon any time, and read verbatim. Words really do cut the deepest.

But I realized that I re-learned a lesson today - and that is God really does know what he's doing. HE is awesome.

I have some amazing friends here in Tampa. But up until the end of my pregnancy, I didn't have that friend. You know, the one that just gets EXACTLY where you are in life, because they are going through it too. I've been lucky enough to be blessed with two of those friends. EXACTLY when I needed them.

I have been forutnuate to reunit, long distance, with a sweet, dear friend of mine. We spent countless emails and text sharing stories, questions and laughs about the gross aspects of pregnancy. We rekindled our bond and for that I am so grateful. We continue to share stories of our babies and I love it.

Here in Tampa, I met a wonderful friend in Labor and Delivery classes. We spent 6 weeks together learning all about labor together - with our husbands. HA! In my 11 weeks postpartum, she has grown to be one of the first persons I want to turn to. She just gets exactly where I am with all the struggles and changes a newborn brings into your life. And I am so thankful she is also in my life.

There is just something about going through something, with someone, simultaneously. It really is a gift. Its so nice not to have unsoliticed advice, but to learn together. To laugh together. To cry together. To BITCH together and just get it.

GOD is awesome. Big thanks to the big Guy for bringing these wonderful, amazing, loving, most stupdendously awesome mommies into my life.

I don't know how she does it

I need to see that movie - b/c I don't know how to do it. I have my plate completely full, and I don't know how to do it. I am failing. Miserably. Painfully. Embarrisingly.

My first week back to work was a nice transition. Ireland was home, I was catching up. It was nice.

Last week Ireland started daycare and it went well. The first day went the best for me, I only cried a little when I dropped her off and didn't pick her up too early. Wednesday she cried when I brought her in and it broke my little hard. I got in my car and did what any big girl would do, I broke down in tears and called my mommy. By Thursday, Ireland took a page from her mom and became a townie! She was an old pro at the daycare routine. Michael brought her back yesterday the teachers were already calling her 'I'. I love it!

We had our first 'date' night and babysitter last week. We met an awesome, highly recommended babysitter through our church. We are lucky to have found her. She watched Ireland while we went out with some of MP's clients. We got a poker lesson and then lost some money at the hardrock. Then, won most of it back at roullette!

By Friday though, I was tired. Ireland had a fussy week (she is NOT a fussy baby). I am a milkmaid and therefore sleep about 5 hours a night. I get up, nurse a few times, take the I to daycare, work, cook, play, then put the I to bed. Then I do school work for hours. I'm stretched too thin, I'm tired and I'm not doing any one thing good. I'm sure I'm not being a good friend, I know I'm not being a good partner and I'm drowning. To boot I am struggling with my weight postpartum.

This Monday I learned that the amount of breastmilk I am producing is not enough to solely feed Ireland, at least not right now. I'm working VERY hard to get my supply up and I got some great advice from the lactation consultant today. So I pray that will help. After a very rough weekend, this was not the news to start my week off with. I am struggling with giving Ireland some formula supplements. In true Colleen fashion, I am making it more difficult.I get it, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own feelings to process here.

Anyway, I think I'll stop there for now on this subject.

I've got a beautiful, happy girl sleeping in her bassinet right now. :) I'm lucky.

Back to the work thing...

I NEED to be doing school work. But instead, I'm shedding a few tears because today was my first day back at work.

Now, I know that I am lucky that I work at home, and I am lucky that I even had Ireland home with me today as I worked. However, it wasn't the same.

We couldn't sleep in and snuggle and nurse in bed at 10am, while we are both half awake. We couldn't play in our pj's at noon even though one of us should be napping and one of us should be showering. :)

I am thankful for the nearly 9 weeks I spent home with Ireland. I am thankful for everyone who came over to visit and for those who came to help. It was a magical 9 weeks and while I know that it had to come an end, it doesn't really make it easier to manage.

My first day back to work wasn't bad. It was mainly getting caught up and organized. Tomorrow will be busy! As I mentioned, Ireland was home today. MP worked from home, too, so he was a big help. I got up at 5am when Ireland wanted to eat. We nursed for about 30 minutes and went back to bed until 7. We got up and played a bit then she wanted to eat again. I wanted to go on a walk with her but I was very tired and sore from yesterday so I showered and made coffee. I was eager to play with Ireland for an hour before work, but she had other plans. So, dad put her to nap in her crib and I cleaned and what not.

She woke up when MP was out running, so I put her on her vibrator chair and learned that it makes noise (haha, it was hand me down, I had no idea!) and all of a sudden Ireland started giggling and cooing. She LOVES that chair more than ever. It allowed me to work and her to be entertained.

I got to feed her at her next two feedings and then MP took her out to get an oil change and tire rotation on my car (amazing husband!). I think that was the first time I was home but Ireland wasn't. While it was nice to do some work, I missed her.

She came home in time for me to feed her and then finish up work and get acquainted with a new coworker. After dinner, I HAD to get started on school work. I sat down to work and MP and Ireland ran out to Publix. I cried. I missed her and I hadn't nursed her in HOURS.

Its funny, I never thought I'd nurse. In fact, I was pretty positive I wouldn't. Now I hate when we don't get at least 3 nursling's in a day. It IS such a bonding experience, I am so thankful I've had this privilege to feed her this way.

So, around 7 when she got home, I stole her away and we went out and sat on the patio. Ireland is like me, she loves the heat and humidity. We snuggled in a chair and we both dozed off as the sun started to retreat. It was JUST what I needed after my first day 'away' from her. I'm scared for how I will feel after she starts daycare 3 days a week next week....

Ok, now I gotta go put the munchkin in bed and I really do have to do school work.

This mommy stuff is hard on the heart....

Pictures, Pictures!

I just can't seem to stay on top of my blogging...SO much to say, but being on my computer is LAME when I can be playing with Ireland.

I go back to work this week - and so I will hopefully have a routine, soon. Blogging at least once a week will be part of it. So much stuff I want to remember!

But for now - pictures of Maternity and Newborn!

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7 Weeks Today!

Life is funny at times. It's amazing how time plays tricks on us. I remember counting down to go to Ireland, 7 weeks seemed so far away. I remember counting down to getting my baby girl, Ireland, and 7 weeks seemed an eternity.

Yet now, I find myself perplexed that 7 weeks can go by so fast. Its quite unfair, really. But, my mom always told me that life isn't fair.

7 weeks ago I was holding my brand new baby girl in my arms and she was merely a few hours old. It blew my mind that she was in my belly, then out. Just like that.

Now it blows my mind how incredible and amazing she is and how much she grows, mentally and psychically, with every passing day.

My baby was born 6.5 lbs, but left at 5.5 lbs. 7 weeks later she has is 8.11. I'm so proud of the fact that she is growing. I never intended to breast feed. I never thought I would breast feed, in fact I used to think it was weird. But, I really wanted her to get the colostrum and once we got started, I haven't wanted to stop. I work really hard to produce milk for her and to build a mass frozen supply! She is stocked so far and I hope our supply keeps building. I get really annoyed by the people who don't know much about breastfeeding, yet feel the need to comment on how small my child is, or suggest she needs more food. She's doing great and while she is little, her belly is HUGE! She is doing just fine!

Of course everyone thinks their child is the best and smartest and most advanced, so I won't rattle off a list of things she's doing. But I will say that she amazes me each day when she does something new.

It melts my heart to a million different pieces when she smiles at me. I don't really know what in life is better than your child smiling at you.

I am loving being a mother and I am loving our time together!

I love you, Ireland!

An emotional day

Today was an emotional day. :( I cried, a lot.

For starters, Ireland has been fussy the last few days. I know that some parents have extra fussy kids, but so far, I have not. So a few days of a little more fuss than normal was a lot for us. By 3:30 this morning, I was not happy. Tired and cranky, I finally got 'mad' at Ireland...then felt really bad about it later.

I had to go for in for my 6 week checkup. All is clear and I can now get back to working out and start to shed this baby weight! I also got released to go back to work in 2 weeks. Boo.

On my way home from a target stop after the doctors, I realized that I only have two precious weeks home full time with my baby and I spent the morning of today mad at my beautiful girl. What a waste of time!

So I came home and nursed my baby and looked at her beautiful eyes. She is just so amazing. I can't believe I have to leave her a few days a week soon. She has been with me every single day since October and she is my buddy. I loved being pregnant, she was always with me. And for the past 6 weeks, I'm always with her. I know it may do us both some good to get a break twice a week, but I am not ready for it.

I keep trying to get Ireland to nap in her crib. I'm not ready to have her not in her bassinet in our room at night yet, but I do want her to get used to crib. I didn't have the heart to force her in it today. Instead, I let her snooze on my nap and we cuddled a lot! :)

I wish my mom were here. I wish she was able to come over daily and spend time with her granddaughter and me while I worked. Soon enough hopefully. This way I would have my mom here to console me! LOL :) Love you, Mom.

It's 11pm and I put her down to bed over an hour ago. she's fussing again so dad let her come out of the room and snooze on her nap. Thank God you can't teach a 6 week old baby bad habits. Tomorrow we can throw the ax down again on staying in the room all night, but for tonight, we'll enjoy our baby!

Talking Dad's Birthday and Sleep

Today was MP's birthday! He woke up to find a card from Ireland and I and a book from Ireland. Since MP calls himself 'pop' when referring to himself in dialogue with Ireland, she had the perfect gift for him. She gave him the Dr. Suess special "hop on pop" so they could read it together. We all went to lunch and then to Lowe's so I could treat him to the leaf blower he wanted.

It's no secret that I'm a horrible sleeper. I don't recall exactly when I became a bad sleeper, I think after my father died, but my mom would have to confirm. As far back as around that time period, I remember my mind just doesn't shut off at night. I'm a busy bee, always have been and I don't do a lot of my private 'pleasure' thinking until I would hit that pillow. Then I start processing my day, mulling over things, worrying about things, etc. Now, there have been periods of time I sleep quite well. My junior year of college was a great year for sleep. The years I worked at PPG, I was up daily at 5am, did two workouts a day and so by 9pm or so, I was out. Since then, not so much. Throw in my restless leg and well, sometimes I'm lucky that I sleep at all.

So its no wonder that I'm a bit of a nervous nelly about Ireland's sleeping habits and really want her to have her father's good sleeping habits! It's very important to me that she has a healthy sleep from the start.

So now that I'm two weeks out from having to go back to work, and putting her in daycare a few days a week soon, I'm really wanting to start a routine and get her on a good schedule.

So, tonight MP and I did a practice run at our routine. Not so much the timing we want, but a good start.

I nursed Ireland and got her belly full! Then I gave her a bath. This was particularly a big win, b/c I just figured out she likes a bath and doesn't scream the whole time. So she loved her bath tonight and I'm certain if she could speak, she would've asked me to stay in there! After her bath, I took her into her room and gave her a little massage while I put her lotion on. Then daddy took her to be swaddled, read to and put down in the bassinet. (We've been letting her sleep in the bouncer chair until her 12pm feeding).

So, she is now sleeping and I hope she will sleep until I wake her at about 11:30 or 12:00 for her next feeding. If all goes as it has been, she will sleep until at least 4:30. FINGERS CROSSED!

Family Day

Today we had our first family day! MP took off work so we could spend the day together with Ireland. We've had visitors for 5 out of my 6 weeks of maternity leave and were excited to get some time together alone.

The day started out great - b/c MP offered to take the 4:30 feeding. I told him he didn't have to, b/c I need to get up to pump. He suggested I take the first feeding off and get some continuous sleep. That was not a great idea as I woke up sweating like a whore in church and I leaked all over my bed. So while he sat up on the rocker to feed the little, I laid on the couch with a the fan over my body trying to sleep. A for Effort MP, and thank you!! So, I got up 8 to nurse and went back to sleep until 10. Around 10:30 I rolled back into the bedroom and suggested that our family day should consist of us staying in bed but we opted to get out and move around.

By noon we were on our way to the mall - to window shop, eat lunch and hang out. We hit up two malls and ate at TooJays and P.F. Changs before retreating home. It was great to get out and hang together.

Now, my final semester of school started today and in 3 weeks I'll be back at work, boo!

I have to say, I am very impressed with Ireland. She is so not my child, she is so mild mannered and easy going! Aunt Tracey and I had her out tons last week - errands, malls, restaurants and now even today. I am hopeful that this will continue!! :)

Now to pray the next 14 days go really really slow! :)

Ireland is 4 Weeks Old!

I can't believe that 4 weeks ago today I was in labor, hours away from going into the OR to get my little, beautiful baby girl! These weeks have flown. I have 4 short weeks left with her and I pray every day that they will creep by, slowly like a little kid waiting for Christmas.

The past 4 weeks have been wonderful. Yes, I've had a few hormonal meltdowns, and yes, I don't get to sleep like I want to*, but I've hardly noticed. I would say that my years of restless leg and my inability to sleep well were great for parenthood. Combine it with the fact that we get 3-5 hours of sleep at once at night, I'm doing good.

My mom, now known as Nana, arrived to Florida two days after we got home from the hospital. She was such a humongous help - from cooking, to cleaning, to taking the baby so I could nap in between feedings. It was such a blessing and a treat to have her. It's been a long time since I got some 'girl' time with my mom, and it was nice to have that for a while.

Last week, I was blessed by one of my best best friends, Andrea, aka Sola. She came at a busy, chaotic week and was a great sport about seeing my boobs more than the outside of my house! She was here for me to vent to, to share my first postpartum beer and to make up all kinds of one-liners again! It was nice to giggle like that again!

My sister came in town over the weekend for Ireland's baptism and comes again this Saturday for 6 days! She has been a great aunt and godmother and we are looking forward to her arrival. We plan to eat foodz, watch moviez and gigglez. Sisterz!

We've had a plethora of friends being so generous with their time and money - from sending wonderful gifts, food, food certificates and coming to visit and keep me sane in these four walls.

My sister (in law) Kim came in from Orlando for the baptism and will be back soon. She is also a Godmother and was a big help in the hospital and day after. We look forward to more time with her.

We had Miss Carmen come over for a series of photo-shoots. We finally got 'the' image we were shooting for - among some other really special shots. Carmen, if you read this, I never tire of telling you that you rock! Thank you!

I've had a few days with 'just' Ireland. The first was rainy, so we did what any able bodied best gals would do - we napped and cuddled and had a little tummy time. We barely got out of our pj's and just hung out, me and my best gal! Yesterday we went to a Mom/Baby group at the hospital and made some new friends. We look forward to going next week. Afterwards we went to dinner with Dad and enjoy a little family night! Thank you to Aunt Amy for the Mac Grill giftcard!!

Today we had the pleasure of having Dad work from home - so we started doing our chores and had dad help when possible.

Now, little poop is swinging and I'm getting ready to clean up the floors before we have a lunch guest tomorrow!

I know that I need to add a lot of photo's and video's and I will....its just, I tend to get sidetracked by the sweet one I have - and she's so much more fun to hold than sitting on this clunky computer!:)


So I'll stop here for now - I gotta go pump some reserve, clean my floors and cook dinner! :) But I'm not complaining! I'm thankful I have food for my baby, a house for our family and two sweet ones to cook for!

I think you can view some pictures by clicking here:

Videos of Ireland

I'm in the process of naming the videos and such but wanted to share the link again.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePerryPod?feature=mheeing

Trying to get pics updated, too!

Being a Mommy - Week 1

Tomorrow will be one week since we've been home from the hospital. The week has flown by, I want it to slow down, it's going way too fast.

Ireland has let us sleep some nights and not so much on other nights. She's been a good eater, keeping me on nursing duty around the clock. She loves laying in her dads legs and laying on his chest every morning.

Ireland is so beautiful. I know I'm her mom and I'm supposed to say that, but she really really is. She is strong, already rolling to her side and using her hands. Like her mom, she MUST sleep on her right side.

The beginning of the week was hard, I was very sleep deprived and the hormones were coming out as a result on Tuesday. Thankfully, I have my mom here and she has been a huge help. She cooks and cleans for us and that alone is invaluable.

Having the c-section has made it complicated to do certain things. For one, I can't sleep on my side yet. It just is uncomfortable. But really, it's been frustrating to not be able to drive myself somewhere or to move the baby swing when I want to. It took me all week to get to the bank, when before I would just go as I please. Soon enough though, I have to remember that I had a major surgery and it will take time to heal.

Thursday we had her first doctors appointment and afterwards, MP took us to Babies R Us for nursing goods. After walking around there for 45 minutes, I was done. The incision area hurt and I was exhausted. I came home, nursed and crashed for almost two hours. Just in time to eat dinner and nurse again! :)

Friday my mom offered to watch Ireland so that MP and I could run a few errands. We had to go to the bank, Walmart and a few other places. It was nice to get out a bit, but after walking around Walmart, I again was sore and missing my baby.

Last night our little angel was a hellion and didn't want to sleep. I was up trying to get her to sleep, that I hardly had time to nap before it was time to nurse her. I got up to pump around 5am and give her a bottle and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I went in around 6am to sleep again, and when I woke up at 8am I had no idea that dad and baby had been up playing most of the morning in the bed next to me. I was out to the world!

I'm really enjoying being a mommy and I am so addicted and in love with Ireland. It's hard not to fight MP for time to hold her. But, she's already got Daddy wrapped around her tiny long finger, so I try not to break up their bonding time too much! :)

The Birth of Miss Ireland Aoife Perry

Well it's been a week since we went into the hospital. It's hard to believe that one week ago right now, MP and I were waiting for a call from the hospital that we were supposed to head on over.

We arrived shortly before 9pm, but had to wait in the lobby for nearly an hour. We were both nervous - and we wanted to get into the hospital room before 10 so we could watch the new Rescue Me! That didn't happen. Instead, we had to sit and wait for an hour. It was about 10 when we got into the room and I got changed. We sat in the room and answered the nurses questions regarding everything. It was nearly 10:45 before she was done so we waited for the 11pm encore presentation of Rescue Me! During that showing, we hardly got to watch it because the other nurse came into set me up on the monitor and get my IV in. So, I am re-watching last weeks episode as I type this!

After midnight, I was starting to get very uncomfortable in the labor bed. I kept fidgeting and the baby monitor would fall off a lot. As a result, the nurse would come in often to rearrange it b/c they couldn't get a long enough read of Ireland's heart rate. At one point, the nurse came in pretty frantic and said that Ireland's heart rate dropped. She called my doctor and as a result, the doctor decided not to start the cervadil insert at that time because they didn't think the baby would like it. They wanted to keep monitoring her heart rate.

It was a long night in that room. The labor bed is the most uncomfortable bed, ever. I'm at my heaviest and I have to lay on a side to get a good read on the monitor and so therefore I'm just really uncomfortable. I didn't sleep, I just moved a lot and watched Netflix and begged the nurse to let me stand up out of bed for a bit. I'm hooked to an IV and the baby monitor machine and I can't go anywhere without being unhooked and dragging the IV with me. I know all my mommy friends can relate, but man, no one told me how much torture THAT would be!

By 6am, I finally got a bit of sleep until about 7:30 when my doctor was coming in for the day. She did an exam - and true to form, I still had a hard cervix. The baby's heart rate had looked good overnight so they were ready to do the insert. The insert must stay in for 12 hours. So by 9am on Thursday the insert was in and by 12 I was allowed to eat and drink. So, my wonderful husband got me a sandwich and chips and fruit. After lunch, I crashed for a few hours.

I woke up in the 2pm hour and I was starting to feel a bit of pressure down 'there'. My doctor had come in and as we were talking, I had a small contraction. As that occurred, the baby's heart rate dropped again. My doctor grew concerned and said I had to lay down and be monitored again for a bit. So, I did. As I did, the contractions started to occur a bit more. They didn't hurt at that point, but just felt like cramping. A few hours later, say around 4 or 5, they started to get more frequent and while still not totally painful, they were enough that I had to breath hard through them. The nurse found me a medicine ball to sit on and that helped a lot, as it got me out of that uncomfortable bed.

I went to the bathroom around 6 and came out and spoke with the nurse for about an hour. We were just bs'ing and hanging out for most of the hour. Towards the end of her shift, she was checking me out and all of a sudden she got really frantic. She made me lay down and handed me an oxygen mask. She kicked my godmother and FIL out of the room and asked MP to stay. Once again, Ireland's heart rate dropped, this time really low. I still had nearly two hours to be on the cervadil, but the nurse swiftly removed it.

So, she called my doctor in and we began to discuss our options. The baby was clearly not doing well. Either she wasn't liking the cervadil, or certain ways i moved kept her moving on her cord. Either way, this wasn't good. Doctor said we could start the pictocin, but more than likely, the drop in heart ratwould occur again and it might need to be stopped. I was very torn on what decision to make. Try to go ahead and force into natural labor, or get a c-section?

After talking more about the heart rate, I decided that a c-section would be best at this point for me and the baby. I would continue to be stressed and worry about the heart rate, and that would not be good.

So, we quickly got prepped for surgery, MP got his scrubbies on, and I laid in bed sucking O2. This happened fast enough that I didn't get to take pictures of MP in his scrubs, or make any phone calls. MP called my mom and that was it.

Sometime in the 7pm hour, I was wheeled into the OR and prepped with a spinal. As they were just about ready to go and the sheet was up, MP was allowed to come in and sit by me.

The surgery was weird. The staff was amazing. They just flowed in their roles and took care of me from start to finish. My doctor is so calming and just the personality I needed to operate on me. I laid there calm as could be. I mean, I couldn't move anything from my boobs down, but I still concentrated on being still and calm. The idea that my insides were out and a baby was to be coming soon was so surreal and I just laid there waiting to hear my baby.

Soon enough, I hear the nurse tell MP to stand up to see his baby. My doctor pull the curtain down a bit and all of a sudden, I saw, for a brief second, my beautiful baby girl. I started bawling and then I heard her screams and cries and I laughed, then cried a lot more. MP got up and took pictures of her and came back and said 'she is really cute' and was just beaming. It was so, just amazing.

Towards the end of surgery, MP was able to bring Ireland over to me and I just cried a little more b/c she is just so beautiful. I was immediately addicted to her.

We went back to our labor and delivery room for about an hour and then up to our room for the next few days. In that time we got to call our parents and have Aunt Cherry and Mike come up to see Ireland. I was just still so drugged up and trying to nurse my little peanut.

The next few days were great, even though they were a bit hard, too. I loved being awake in the middle of the night and seeing my daughter sleeping on one side of me and my husband on the other. I hated the first day in mom and baby when I couldn't get up and get my daughter myself, but I loved having the nurses wait on us! Hee Hee

I have to say that once again, MP was an amazing help. He is such a wonderful husband and already an incredible father. Ireland and I are so lucky we have him. He helped me taking my bandage off, which hurt. He helped every last bit with the baby, with nursing, with making sure I had water. I adore him.

We got discharged on Sunday after lunch. We packed up our stuff and made our way home with a little teeny person in our car.

Home 4 days now, its been a process. I'm healing up well. I am still in pain and discomfort at times and not able to move fast, but I feel good overall. Nursing has been better than I expected, yet still has its challenges.

My hormones are definitely out of whack and I need to get more sleep when I can. But overall, so far has been better than I expected.

Nana is here and spoiling us with help and love. I'm here to provide milk and MP is here to snuggle his daughter. Life is good.

My daughter is amazing and beautiful. She so strong and loves to roll over to her side to sleep. She is a right side sleeper like me. I love our early morning feedings when we fall back to sleep together in the quiet, with her on my chest. I love her little coo's and sounds and I fall in love again every time I see MP snuggling that little peanut. God is amazing and I can't thank him enough for these truly wonderful gifts.

The Induction

It's official. I am going in tonight to begin the induction process.

I had a pretty rough weekend as the Pupps rash was in full effect. At one point on Saturday night the rash was so bad, I actually called the doctor I was so worried something more was wrong. He said I was going to be OK, but to move up my appointment on Monday, my due date.

Michael and I went into see our doctor on Monday morning. An examination proved that my cervix was STILL hard, so we decided to schedule our induction. The rash, while temporarily gone, will continue to come back until labor. So, we scheduled the induction for tomorrow, Thursday, so that my doctor would be on call. I've seen all but one doctor in the practice and I am fully OK with this doctor being my delivery doctor. It took me a while to warm up to her, but now I am very comfortable with her and I think I am lucky to have her.

I spent Monday and Tuesday wrapping things up for work. I ran errands to get last minute things for our hospital stay and I tried to relax. But, if you know me, you know that I do not relax well. :)

I took off today as my first day of maternity leave. I slept in a bit (I haven't been sleeping well - I rarely do) and I got up and had breakfast. Then I cleaned up my floors and did the last of Ireland's laundry. I met my sweet friend Erin for lunch and stopped at CVS for one more thing.

On my way home, I pulled into church to say a quick prayer. I was lucky that Deacon Scott was in, as Father David was out. So Deacon was able to take me in the little chapel and provide a nice gospel reading and blessing for me and Ireland. I sat down and had a few moments of prayer afterwards and I was suddenly filled with so much emotion so I had to leave.

There is no time for emotion. Right now, I'm focused on getting through labor and delivery and getting my beautiful baby girl in my hands. I really have a one track mind and I'm not thinking about a lot of extras. I have a job to get done and to get it through as well as possible and that's heavy on my mind and my nerves! YIKES. I am NERVOUS!

I am home now and MP is watching TV. I'm going to go hang out with him for a bit before I have to polish up the kitchen and pack up my bag and the car.

For my 'final' meal before I go in tonight, I think we will go somewhere for breakfast for dinner. That sounds good. I am scheduled to be in the hospital at 7:30 tonight and will get the cervadil to help ripen my cervix.

We should have a little baby girl tomorrow! Stay tuned and please, keep us in your prayers!

PUPPS?!

No, NOT PUPPIES! PUPPS!

Apparently I have contracted PUPPS - a weird side effect of pregnancy if you will - where you have a rashy itch going on. I also have big and small welts on my chest and my belly. I keep scratching so hard I have popped blood vessels all over. This is for the birds!

EEEK!!! Gotta go scratch......

Posh-Knots - A MUST HAVE for the the little girls in your life!

Once again, I have to say that I am really blessed. I have made so many wonderful friends in my life, and each person is so special to me. I may not be able to stay in constant contact with everyone, or be as close as we once were, but that doesn't mean that I don't love them and love the memories we created together.

My friend Shannon Piper is one of those friends I am speaking about. We met at my first job out of college- The Bradley Center. For one year we hardly spoke, yet, when I went to leave the company, we became fast friends. GO FIGURE! Shannon and I had a lot of fun exploring some watering holes together and playing with her wiener puppies!

I always loved Shannon's apartment, from the way it was decorated to her unique style. I knew that she was creative and crafty, this was supported by the decor at her wedding. Additionally, I've always known that Shannon wants literally a house full of kids. She's already created 3 for her clan!!!

I knew that Shannon has a business creating bows and such for little kids. I have checked out her work before and been amazed, but yesterday, I was amazed on a whole other level.

Shannon gifted us some amazing, handmade hair accessories and a few other goodies for Miss Ireland. I opened the box and I literally stood in AWE. Her work is spectacular and I am so floored that she spent this much time on gifting me and Ireland such wonderful items.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN LOOKING AT SHANNON'S WORK AND ORDERING SOMETHING FOR A LITTLE GIRL IN YOUR LIFE, PLEASE EMAIL HER AT: POSHBYPIPER@GMAIL.COM


I will share my goodies she created now!

Hello Kitty Clip! (love!)



A customized bum-wipe case! ADORE!! (Inside a pair of football leg warmers for Ireland were hiding!!)



Another Black & Gold Bow!

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A little romper with a clip attached! So adorable.




Lots of Shamrock Clips!!




Shannon, thank you so much! XOXO Your little girls sure are lucky!

Babymoon 2011

MP and I were due to be at our timeshare this week, but with the anticipated arrival of our lil'shamrock, we knew we couldn't spend the week in Ft. Myers. As such, someone rented the condo for the weekend, and we were pretty bummed. Neither of us wanted to sit around our house or our town for the holiday weekend - especially after our doctor said that Ireland didn't seem to want to make her entrance anytime soon.

So, with a little last minute planning and the doctors permission - we decided to travel 4 hours south and head into Ft. Lauderdale. We packed up our goodies, including our hospital bags just in case and said let's go! Worst case scenario I would have the baby along alligator alley and pray that an EMT would find us....OR...on second thought...they have hospitals all over the state!

We left on Saturday AM and got to our hotel around 1. For a hotel that we booked less than 24 hours in advance and was a great rate - this hotel was really nice. We were upgraded to the junior suite and suddenly it was a chore to get us out of the hotel room! We had a beautiful balcony that was positioned on the inter coastal, with a view of the beach to the left. Fantastic!

We decided to get in the pool and nap on the inter coastal in one of the sun beds.
We watched beautiful yachts go by in between our drowsiness and sounds of DMB and David Gray playing off our iPod. Life sure is good.

POOL BOUND:


Lounging with my love


We had dinner with our friends Bryce and Mimi and their children on Saturday night. Went to a local little seafood joint and enjoyed some good company! It was nice to feel like we were on vacation and just be out in the mix.



DISCLAIMER: This paragraph is somewhat gross for those that are easily grossed out, so you may wish to skip.

Saturday night after dinner, we got home and were watching TV when I had to use the bathroom for the 800th time that day. As I sat there, I heard something fall into the toilet (TMI???) and I thought, oh shoot. Yup, as I looked down, I saw it. No, not Mr. Hankey, but Mrs. Mucus Plug. Just hanging out. Completely clear and looking like the wax they put in swimmers ears, I should have known better than to freak. I mean, after ALL I have read and heard and learned in classes I have paid for, I knew that is NOT as surefire cue of impending labor, especially since there was no blood. HOWEVER, here we are 4+ hours from home, MP is crashed and I'm thinking - oh man, does this mean we have to leave tomorrow?

So, I went and woke up MP. He asked "are you having contractions?" I said 'no'. He said, then don't worry about it. YA right. These men, they have it so easy! :) So I went into the bedroom and was playing angry birds on my ipad, trying not freak out. 100 things are running through my mind and mainly, I just felt like 'OMG, labor is coming SOON'. As ready as I've been, I didn't feel ready at that moment. I took all his clothes out of the closet in the event we had to leave the hotel room in the middle of the night (I didn't want him to forget his shirts!) and sat in my room waiting for contractions and pain. Then I made MP get off the couch and come lay in bed with me so I wouldn't be alone. He did. He is the sweetest and I adore him.

By Sunday morning, the rational side of me took over. As MP asked me why his shirts were laying on his suitcase and not hanging in the closet, my head hung down in shame (ya, that same Denver the Lab kinda shame I referenced before) and I just giggled. MP looked at me with that ever so common "what the heck am I going to do with you look" and we just laughed.

We headed to the hotel restaurant for some coffee and breakfast. Because I did pass my mucus plug, I did not want to get in the ocean or pool, so MP scouted out the water taxi. So we got on a boat and road up and down the inter coastal waterway all day. Admiring big houses and bigger boats. We saw where Leno and the Taco Bell owner lives and just people watched the freaks on our boat! It did start raining and we had missed getting the connecting water taxi to Hollywood, FL. Drenched from the rain shower, we got off on the riverwalk so we could sit in the Irish pub and share a Reuben and do more people watching. It was so nice! Afterwards, we walked around the Las Olas shopping area and dipped into an restaurant for coffee and dessert. By this time, my body was hurting, and it was time to take a nap. An hour later we got off the boat and climbed into the bed for a nap for a hours before heading to Primanti's for a much needed Pittsburgh style sammy!



After dinner, we just came back to the hotel room and crashed. It was 10pm and we are old and I am knocked up! At 5 months, I was able to be a trooper in a bar until 2am drinking water. At 9 months, I am not! Woe is me!

We got up yesterday and had breakfast, walked to the beach and then napped until we had to leave. How pathetic are we? WE LOVED IT!!!

I am really thankful we had the opportunity to get away at the last minute and enjoy our babymoon!

CERVIX UPDATE: I went to the doctor today - cervix is still hard. As my sweet friend Anne said, I must be the hostess with the mostess b/c Ireland doesn't appear to be leaving this party anytime soon. So, stay tuned!!!

More Goodies!

Miss Ireland got more goodies today! Miss Sam sent her a bunch of goodies today! Two are pictured below - Ireland booties and a hat and a Perry Platapus doll! :) LOVE!

Furthermore, Missy sent me a late birthday and early push gift - the Kate Spade necklace I wanted. MP took me to the Kate store for my birthday and I opted for sunglasses over the necklace. Now, I have both! And the little KS box makes my heart flutter! :) HEE HEE!

Thank you to Sam and Missy! And furthermore, thank you to EVERYONE who has sent us anything. EVERYTHING helps, EVERYTHING is appreciated. I still don't think a written thank you card truly expresses my appreciation! XOXOXO


OMG! I can't handle all the love!! EVERYONE is so nice.

Overwhelmed with Love

Overwhelmed with love is the best way I can sum up the past week. I seriously have to stop and pinch myself so often and say "What did I do to deserve such goodness?"

I came home today to find a high chair box sitting on my door step. Our friends Natalia and Tom J sent us one of our last big ticket items. I couldn't believe how generous they were to send that gift to us. I received all those clothes from my friend - so much so that I had to buy containers for storing. My fairy godmother brought Ireland more clothes. My sweet and thoughtful friend MJ sent me a bag of Hello Kitty goodies and clothing for Ireland. Today, my dear friend Erin treated me to Tijuana Flats for my birthday. THANK YOU everyone!

My photog Carmen took some really sweet pictures of me and MP with my belly o'baby! I can't believe I was gifted a photo shoot by her, she is such a busy person and her time is so appreciated and her creativity is loved. I can't wait to see some of the special pictures we did. Carmen has a great idea for pictures of Ireland post birth. I'm so freaking stoked.

I look around Ireland's room and I am beside myself that just about everything in that room was gifted to us. To think that we have that many friends and family that love us that much to provide all that to our little girl is just amazing. It's humbling. It's so appreciated. It's overwhelming - how do we ever pay back all these generous people in our lives?

I guess we start with raising Ireland right - to be a well mannered, sweet, secure little girl. Who knows that she is loved and secure. We work not to impose ugliness in her, but to instill the same values that we find in our friends and family. Teach her to be giving and generous. To say thank you, to not be greedy. To compliment others and not expect the same in return. To be sincere and to be real. And while we do that, we must do the same.

Ireland doesn't seem to want to come out yet. And I'm OK with that. She will come when she wants and when she is ready. I can't wait to hold that little girl and tell her how awesome she already is.

XOXO

T.G.I.F.

Wow! I am so glad it's Friday!

These weeks are just flying by! Tuesday night we finished our series of labor and delivery courses. We finished with a CPR class for infants and child. While we learned a lot over five weeks, we were both glad it was over!

Work wise - I spent the week getting things together to be out. I wouldn't say that I am 100% ready, but if I went out on Monday, we'd be in a lot better shape. I got a ton of work today and delegated a lot of tasks.

Wednesday my dear friend Anne took me to dinner at a Mexican place for my birthday. It was really nice to spend time chatting with her and catching up in person. It was a yummy date!

I woke up Thursday to an adorable card from MP. The best card he's ever gotten me, literally had tears in my eyes. I spent my birthday working and then MP came home and took me to the Hibachi for dinner. It was so scrumptious! We got a small ice cream cake and came home to hang out.

We are very happy that my Fairy Godmother (Aunt Cherry) has agreed to help watch Ireland a few days week once I go back to work. We are really lucky to have such a great family member help out. I think her and Ireland will have a grand time together!

Today, I got my dinner inspiration from my friend Erin. A calzone! I went to the store to get the goods to make a veggie loaded calzone. MP was quite a happy camper. We may or may not have gotten ice cream after dinner! :)

I had a tremendous surprise today. My friend Erin C from high school sent us a box of hand me downs from her one year old girl, Ellie. This box was big enough to fit a few small children in it! To say we were spoiled with her generosity would be a huge understatement. I'm quite certain that I do no need to buy pajamas for the entire first year for Ireland. She got so much mans and jackets and onezies - and the cutest little gap shoes!

It always amazes me how generosity comes from the most interesting ways, from places that you would least expect it. Sometimes you know the people who you think will be giving, and sometimes your assumptions are true, and sometimes they are not. But then something like this happens and I remember there are so many amazing people in this world. We are very blessed to have so many giving, thoughtful people in our lives. Its certaintly a reminder to ensure we behave the same way.

I do not know how to thank ErinC. I know how we will thank her, but it just doesn't seem enough for the hundreds of dollars of clothes she basically just donated to us. But I will honor the request she has - after we use them - donate them or pass them along. Erin, if you read this, THANK YOU!!!

Tomorrow is Pedi's with my Fairy Godmother and naps and hanging out! Sounds like a great way to relax to me! :)

Gatorade is Thirst Aid....

For the that deep down body thirst! I think that is how the commercial used to go when we were little kids...anyone?

Well, regardless - I've been drinking A LOT of it.

One day last week, I woke up and I didn't feel right. A little dizzy, a little fluish and really weak. I took the first hour off of work and slept in to get some rest. By lunch time, I had some soup and ginger ale and was feeling fine.

Over the weekend, MP and I went to the outlets to do some shopping. It was hot. I mean, REALLY hot and I was swelling and when we got home, I kinda felt the same way again, but chalked it up to the heat.

But, on Monday I was struck again by feeling dizzy and crappy. I even had to stop working and go lay down for a hour, it was brutal. Then I woke up on Tuesday the same way. I decided to call the doctor.

Long story short, my blood pressure is really low. This is pretty odd because my blood pressure is usually so good doctors comment on it. After an examine, doctor said all is more than fine with the baby, but I need to chill out. HA!

She said to drink a lot of gatorade and fluids and eat some some salt when the bp drops. I can handle that! Doctor also threatened to pull me from work early if I don't redcue my work/stress load.

Thankfully, I work for some great people who put my health first and have agreed to take some items off my plate so I can get items transitioned to the person managing each client while I am gone. So, with 13 business days left until maternity leave, I'm busy just getting itesm out of my inbox.

Go away all 100+ emails!

Ireland's Nursery

Click here to go to Ireland's Nursery Video

http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePerryPod?feature=mhee

Feelin' Pretty - but it took a while!

I often hear horror stories of rude people and the inappropriate things they say to pregnant women. No, I'm not talking about the narcissistic people we are all burdened with in our lives (you know, the ones who contact you only to talk about themselves - yawn!).

I'm talking about the people who feel the need to comment on someone's pregnancy weight, or weight in general, or how they look pregnant. OR the people that are also narcissistic and somehow make your pregnancy about them. "You gained XX lbs??! I only gained **insert stupid small number here**." We all know people who have been struck by these inappropriate, self-loathing (but masked with the “I'm so awesome” mentality) people who find it their job to put down a pregnant women during a very fun, yet hormonal, time of their life.

I have been lucky, so far. For the most part, I have not been that person who has been offended by the likes of others due to my pregnancy weight or looks. I feel horrible for the women who have been offended by these comments.

One of my good friends told me after her pregnancy that she was upset with her weight gain and she didn't care for the "you just had a baby" excuse. Her beautiful body was healing and she was feeling the toll childbearing took on her body. I of course thought she was nuts to be so hard on herself. Then I got pregnant. Then I understood what she meant.

I don't understand this pressure to be so concerned with your weight during pregnancy. That said, I have been very concerned with my weight my entire pregnancy. Obviously, the most important thing is to gain weight in a healthy manner for both you and the baby. But where is the line between concern and vanity? When do we say enough is enough? What about the times I literally stressed and been very upset with myself because I gained 1.5 lbs in a week more than I should have, according to 'x' book? The stress of feeling bad about myself in an effort to reduce criticism from shitty people had to be worse for me and the baby then an extra 1.5 lbs did. I mean, especially when in hindsight, the next week, I didn't gain one lb.

I now understand that everyone woman is different and the way their body confirms to pregnancy is different. It something to be embraced, not fought. It really is amazing what your body is doing, that your body is providing life support for a tiny human being that will never care how much you weighed when they took up rent in your belly.

The goal for me is to be the best, most loving, nurturing and supportive parent to my child, not to be the skinniest. Vanity doesn't teach your children much more than how to be insecure and worrisome; it strips them of their natural character.

Now, I'm not suggesting every woman should throw caution the wind and eat for two (hate that phrase) and be careless with their pregnant bodies. I just think the pressure should be on more important things related to pregnancy.

I'm not that great at receiving compliments. But this weekend, I was. At Kate Spade the lady asked how long until I was due. I said "3 weeks" and she said "your belly is so small, you look great!". Usually, I would've said something like 'yeah, well, but look at my butt'. Instead, I just beamed and said 'THANK YOU!' It was not something I expected, but it felt good.

Yesterday at the Ray's game we went up to a booth and this lady asked me when I was due. I again said 3 weeks and she said "How can you be 3 weeks away and look so beautiful?". Again, I was beaming and laughing and I gave her a heartfelt "Thank You". She went on to add a few minor compliments while she asked about the details of name, sex, etc and the whole time I was thinking, thank GOD there are still nice people out there. I know there is, I'm friends with a lot of them. But it’s nice to see nice strangers.
:)

Monday, Already?

Man, the last of the ‘free’ weekends sure are flying by faster than I can rest and enjoy them. That may or may not be due to my behavior, but I’m not in the business of pointing fingers so early on a Monday!

Another week has passed – 36 weeks of pregnancy of be exact – hard to believe it. 36 weeks have been filled with so much. Trips, holiday, work, graduate school, visitors, relaxing, preparing, and now I’m just trying to enjoying the last little bit of life as I know before, before our world is rocked. However, I can’t wait!

Last week flew by for both of us. We are both so buy with work. MP is running around like a maniac and I’m working diligently to wrap up things at work – and still getting pressured to start new things. Needless to say, work stress is NOT diminishing. I guess it won’t until I’m out and I just don’t care. We had our last ‘regular’ baby class last week.

We go back tomorrow for child and infant CPR and then we are done. It’s been a really interesting class and we’ve learned a lot about labor and delivery. However, the chairs are uncomfortable and after working all day, I’m tired of being ‘talked’ to.

I have not made the dent in my baby sleeping habits book as I should have. I have a mission to do that this weekend, darn it! Tonight I need to put the finishing touches on Ireland’s room and polish the floors – then that is ready to go. I got my hospital nightgown yesterday for post-delivery. I washed it with the last little bit of baby stuff and I need to finish packing that today.

The car seats were installed this weekend. We took them up to FDOT and met with an officer to have them properly checked. She was a wonderful assistant and we are thankful we had her help. Of course it’s a bit strange to be rolling around with car seats in your car. Talk about a mind blowing reminder of what is to come.

Speaking of – I went into I’s room on Friday afternoon – and I noticed an empty crib (as I have so many times before) but this time, I stopped dead in my tracks and thought “OMG, I am going to responsible for someone’s life” and that is just flat out scary! And so exciting.

Saturday MP and I went to the outlets to do some shopping. He was looking for new clothes, while I watched with jealousy. I can’t wait to wear normal clothes again and to workout and shop. But, he didn’t let me feel bad long. With the upcoming birthday he treated me to a pair of Kate Spade sunglasses (yay, finally!) and I treated myself to some KS earrings! Not a bad start to my birthday week! After a ton of walking in the extreme heat (it got HOT here) I was done. We came home and I pretty much was useless the rest of the day.

Sunday after I church I took MP to the Rays game for Father’s Day. I had bought us awesome tickets and we enjoyed them. We even decided to do something different and each keep score of the game using the scorecard they give you. After a Rays sweep over the Marlins, we met MVP for dinner at Mac Grill and then ran errands at Walmart. By the time we got home, this baby was a moving. By moving, I mean making waves in my belly and I’m pretty sure she was even dropping more, b/c the pelvic pain was crazy. She’s making her way I guess!

Another weekend not wasted!

WHEW! It's already 9:25 on Sunday night. I still have to finish at least the introduction of my book on baby sleeping habits before I retire for the night...which should be soon because I am whooped!

Friday was a great day in terms of accomplishment. We had a meet and greet with the pediatrician we selected and that went well. I got a lot accomplished at work so that I can get at my desk tomorrow and really pound out maternity leave preparations. MP and I went out for pizza on Friday night and I came home and just say on my rear. I starting piling through my American Baby and Parenting magazines I let pile up during the semester and what not.

Saturday we had a baptism preparation class at church in the morning. We came home and put up the decals in Ireland's room. MP finished fixing the closet doors in there today, so now all that is left is for me to get some pictures in a frame, hang it up and clean/polish the floors. Then, we are all set! I plan to have that done this week.

Then I went and treated myself to a manicure and pedicure before going to visit a friend who was moving. I enjoyed going into CVS to buy her a case of beer - oh the looks I got! :) Tee Hee! After stopping over to supervise the move, I went to the Fresh Market to get groceries and some dinner. Came home to have MP grill our burgers and then I again, sat on my rear. I was just beat up, AGAIN. I can't wait to get my stamina back!

Today I slept until until nearly 9am. I have been waking up a lot at night and even staying awake for an hour or so in the middle of the night. So I guess my body needed the extra bit of sleep it got today. MP went out to cut the grass while I prepared and sent initial interview questions to potential nanny's. When MP came in I made us breakfast and then started cleaning some of the rooms of our house. By 11am I was once again done - so I sat down to take care of some computer work before I could manage standing again to shower and run more errands.

We went to BuyBuyBaby to purchase some items - we came out with a dvd that's been recommended to watch - The Happiest Baby on the Block and MP's pick -Parenting - the 1st year for dummies. :) MP wanted a backpack for his baby bag - so we stopped and got him one. THEN came the good part! We treated ourselves to Cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory - mmm, mmmm!! I have half of mine in my fridge and its calling my name for another day!

We made our way home in time to sit for an hour before heading to church. I was to read the 2nd reading tonight mass. I got there to find out I was to do the 1st reading. OOPS! So I frantically grab a missile and read over it...woah, some city names I don't know how to pronounce. Had I read the 1st reading preparations, my guide would have showed me this. So I go up to the Deacon's daughter and asked for her help. She told me her dad wrote a song about this - but she can't remember. So, all 20 years of her tells me "Just go with it, if you mess up, only you and Father will know. It's not like he will call you out." In a moment of a pregnancy induced hot flash, I decide to accept her advice. I go up. I read. I mangle.

During the homily Father Ed, who I adore, has a great analogy about the holy spirit and O-rings from the challenger...yeah, you had to be there to get it, but I loved it. In an effort to drive home how members of the church are like faulty o-rings...he asks the readers to raise their hands. Then proceeds to CALL ME OUT on messing up in the reading! LOL Only me!! He didn't mean to be it rude, it was a teachable moment! :) I just laughed, that is SO ME!!!

While waiting to bring the book up to the alter before mass, some woman came up to me and said "you look absolutely beautiful". I was still to high off her kindness to care I messed up. God doesn't care, he's just glad I tried!

We came home and made diner and packed our baby bags. Ireland's hospital bag is ready. Now I just need to pack MY hospital bag and have my list ready in case MP or MVP have to stop here and collect the few random items. Or Erin, she may be on list duty, too.

I have asked Erin to be my Douala! She accepted. :)

So this week ahead is all about working hard at the job, getting things off the list and ready for transition. I need to finish up I's room, clean her toys and wrap it all up. We have baby class this Tuesday night again where we'll get a tour of the recovery wing at the hospital. I also need to read like 4 chapters in my sleeping habits for baby book we were gifted.

We are getting there, we are close! This is BONKERS!

T - One Month

Here we are on June 11th. The ‘final’ countdown begins and I as I type this, I have tears in my eyes for so many reasons. Little Miss Ireland is due in one month. One month. That is crazy. She can come in a few days, a few weeks, or after July 11th. No one knows but God.

On one hand, I am ready for her. I am physically ready her for her. Our house is ready for the most part – just a few final details are left. I have to actually finish packing her hospital bag and get mine packed. I need to pack our baby bags and get the car seats secured. MP has to hang a new track in the closet and a picture frame. Then I THINK we are done. We could do all that tomorrow…HA!...I bet we won’t, but we’ll knock out some of that stuff for sure.

I’ve anticipated her arrival since Halloween when I first took the pregnancy test. It’s been a great pregnancy. Yeah, I didn’t love the morning sickness, I loathe the acid reflux and I’ve beat up from the feet up EVERY day since the end of April. But those are all things that don’t really matter. I’ve actually enjoyed being pregnant and I would do it again.

So, why the tears?

Well for starters, because I’m tired. And I’m not ready to be more tired than this. But that’s trivial. I’m more scared of what the future holds. Will I really be a good mom? People tell me I will be, but will I really be? Will she like me? Will MP adore her and be her first and biggest protector until the day he dies? How will our marriage be affected? Will she be as smart and as beautiful I imagine her to be? Will she be safe and happy and free from worry as long as possible? The future really is unknown and it’s scary to bring another human into this world when nothing is guaranteed.

I will also really miss feeling her kick and move inside me. We had a sonogram on Thursday and I was informed exactly of how she’s laying. Since then I know when her butt is moving around and I love it. I will miss knowing she is safe from the world in my belly.

But, I trust that the best is yet to come when it comes to my lil’shamrock and I can’t wait to soak up the joy she brings to MP and me. We are going to love her so much; there is no doubt of that.

As of Thursday, I am not dilated but the doctor said my cervix is beginning to thin. It’s crazy how close it is. MP said to me last night that all of pregnancy has gone fast, but the last few weeks are going slow. I said “OMG, they are FLYING by for me, I need them to slow down.” I think we are both anxious with our own worries and fear of the unknown and its funny how it affects us each differently.
So, with one month left – I will go to rest for the night. For tomorrow is another busy day of chores, errands and finding time to rest.